So, I went back to college on Saturday night. It was my fraternity's bids night, where the new members get an invitation to join the frat (start pledging). Basically, you start drinking very early and continue till well past the bars close. I quickly realized that my body doesn't handle drinking for 12 + hours straight as well as it used to.
I did end up remembering all the events of the night, which was a major surprise. I woke up with such a pounding headache, like someone was tightening a fucking clamp around my head. Then I realized that I had a nice, short, 5+ hour drive home (woo hoo!). Figuring it would be best for me not to drive, I enlisted my girlfriend as the driver. This wouldn't have been so bad if my car was an automatic, but, alas, I have a stick shift.
It wasn't so bad 'cause most the whole trip was highway. I was in the state where I wasn't sure if I was gonna boot, pass the fuck out, or just die on the spot. I made it through the trip, and took a nice 3 hour nap, then woke up for a few hours, then slept the next 12.
Highlights of the weekend:
Seeing everyone who is still at school, super seniors, underclassmen, friends who also came back for the night.
Watching my friend Sarah receive what nearly amounted to an atomic wedgie.
Witnessing a kid puke eight straight full blown hurls - that was pretty fucking awesome.
Yeah, I'm sure that a lot of other great shit happened - so I guess I really didn't end up remembering the entire night - I thought I was good for it. I'll be back soon.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Introducing the New Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys... Wade Phillips!
In a move that could doom the franchise for years to come, the Dallas Cowboys announced the hiring of Wade Phillips as their new head coach. Jerry Jones, what the fuck are you thinking? This is the same Wade Phillips who led the Bills to, well, nothing.
In his three years in Buffalo, he led the Bills to two playoffs and a .500 season. Not to shabby. At the same time, those teams had a big time QB controversy between the worthless Rob Johnson, and the beloved Doug Flutie. Everyone on Earth wanted Flutie to start; inexplicably, Rob Johnson was named starter. Johnson sucked balls until a season changing event occurred - he sustained a rib injury. Enter Doug Flutie, who rallies the team and guides them to the playoffs, only to lose to Miami.
Year Two of the Wade Phillips experiment is where everything went wrong. Phillips started Flutie for the 1999 season, and the Bills finished at 11-5. Flutie became one of the league's star players in the process, and more importantly, he was a winner. In the final game of regular season, the Bills had nothing to play for, so Phillips rested Flutie and started Johnson. No one thought anything of it, just trying to keep Flutie healthy for the playoffs.
Off to Tennessee to play the Titans in the Wild Card Round, and Phillips makes the mistake that may have cost him his job - HE STARTS ROB JOHNSON!!!! What a fucking moron!! The Bills lose on "The Music City Miracle" - that still hurts - it was a forward lateral. With Flutie in the game, the Bills win easily, in my opinion. Titans end up going on to play in the Super Bowl, losing to the Rams.
Final year of Phillips (rejoice Bills fans!), Bills go 8-8, and Phillips is done. The Flutie-Johnson controversy never gets solved by Phillips, as Flutie is moved to San Diego. The entire world understood that the Bills needed Flutie; somehow, Wade Phillips never saw it. The good thing for Flutie was that Rob Johnson may be the most injury prone player (biggest pussy) in the NFL.
Without Flutie, the Bills drop off dramatically, and general managers realize that Rob Johnson isn't worth $5 million a year. The Bills are finally rebounding now (sensing a push towards the playoffs this year).
My warning to Dallas fans - you may just end up with a QB controversy again! Phillips likes the classic drop back, get sacked, fumble all the time type of QB. Drew Bledsoe is the Rob Johnson in this situation, and Tony Romo is the Doug Flutie. Everyone realizes that Dallas' best chance is with Romo, but will Phillips??
Proud that I realized Wade Phillips is a fucking moron since 1998 - I hate Dallas, by the way, so I am pumped about this hiring.
In his three years in Buffalo, he led the Bills to two playoffs and a .500 season. Not to shabby. At the same time, those teams had a big time QB controversy between the worthless Rob Johnson, and the beloved Doug Flutie. Everyone on Earth wanted Flutie to start; inexplicably, Rob Johnson was named starter. Johnson sucked balls until a season changing event occurred - he sustained a rib injury. Enter Doug Flutie, who rallies the team and guides them to the playoffs, only to lose to Miami.
Year Two of the Wade Phillips experiment is where everything went wrong. Phillips started Flutie for the 1999 season, and the Bills finished at 11-5. Flutie became one of the league's star players in the process, and more importantly, he was a winner. In the final game of regular season, the Bills had nothing to play for, so Phillips rested Flutie and started Johnson. No one thought anything of it, just trying to keep Flutie healthy for the playoffs.
Off to Tennessee to play the Titans in the Wild Card Round, and Phillips makes the mistake that may have cost him his job - HE STARTS ROB JOHNSON!!!! What a fucking moron!! The Bills lose on "The Music City Miracle" - that still hurts - it was a forward lateral. With Flutie in the game, the Bills win easily, in my opinion. Titans end up going on to play in the Super Bowl, losing to the Rams.
Final year of Phillips (rejoice Bills fans!), Bills go 8-8, and Phillips is done. The Flutie-Johnson controversy never gets solved by Phillips, as Flutie is moved to San Diego. The entire world understood that the Bills needed Flutie; somehow, Wade Phillips never saw it. The good thing for Flutie was that Rob Johnson may be the most injury prone player (biggest pussy) in the NFL.
Without Flutie, the Bills drop off dramatically, and general managers realize that Rob Johnson isn't worth $5 million a year. The Bills are finally rebounding now (sensing a push towards the playoffs this year).
My warning to Dallas fans - you may just end up with a QB controversy again! Phillips likes the classic drop back, get sacked, fumble all the time type of QB. Drew Bledsoe is the Rob Johnson in this situation, and Tony Romo is the Doug Flutie. Everyone realizes that Dallas' best chance is with Romo, but will Phillips??
Proud that I realized Wade Phillips is a fucking moron since 1998 - I hate Dallas, by the way, so I am pumped about this hiring.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Fuck you Verizon!
I got sucked into the monopoly that Verizon Wireless has created in Upstate New York. Their in-calling network is possibly the greatest idea a company in their position could have created. The effect created is that the more users you have, the more value your product has. I learned some name for this in a Management Information Systems class, but was too fucking high to remember what it was called. Basically, each new subscriber adds more value to their "network."
The reason people join is because it ends up being so cheap, since everyone in upstate has Verizon, you'll never pay an overage. While that's all good, great, and grand, something doesn't seem quite right with it. I guess you can look at it as a win-win, consumers save money, Verizon makes more. The problem is their policy is turning them into a monopoly in certain regions, and the last I checked, unless you're Microsoft, you can't really do that.
The other big issue I have with those fuckers is that they were trying to screw me. I get my first month's bill in the mail, and there are two copies. I am thinking to myself, "maybe one for my records, one I have to mail back in." That would be somewhat intelligent, other than the waste of paper. What actually happened was that I received a bill - FOR A NUMBER THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE! What the fuck???? So now I am gonna have to waste 30 minutes of my time arguing with them that I only have ONE PHONE, ONE NUMBER, and ONE BILL!
The fake number bill was for something like $117, and the real bill, for the phone I actually possessed and used, was for $59. I talk to about three idiots at Verizon, all really fucking confused and making up bullshit reasons why this situation happened. One of them actually told me that I would have to pay the $117!!! How fucking stupid do you think I am?? Finally someone told me that they would credit my account, this and that, and I wouldn't receive another faulty bill.
Fast forward one month exactly...
I go out to get the mail - what do you know? Two motherfucking bills! So I open them, thinking maybe the fake one will be zeroed out or something. I was so fucking wrong - now the fake bill is for $210!!! They decided that since it was unpaid, I had to pay late fees, government surcharges, and who the fuck knows what else. So once again, I am forced to call them up. I get the same story, the same waste of time, and the same sense that - they are gonna fuck up again.
Go yet another month forward...
I get the two bills in the mail. This time they told me that the fake one would be zeroed out and shit would be good. I open it, knowing that they probably fucked up, and you know what? THEY FUCKED UP AGAIN!!! This time the bill was closing in on $300! I am getting used to this ritual now, call Verizon and debate/argue each month on or around the 10th. So this time I get to talk to some higher up person who claims that they will personally address my issue.
One last month forward...
So this month I get my bill: -$171.89!! Somehow Verizon now owes me $170!! Woohoo!! I soon realize that they will never pay me this amount; instead, I will continue to receive a fake monthly bill, and they will always make sure it is negative or zeroed. Great fucking job, Verizon!! Why not just delete the fucking account - it doesn't exist. Fucking morons.
So with all said and done, I spent close to two hours on the phone with them, not only wasting my time, but wasting the minutes I purchase from them. I think it is some kind of conspiracy, for Verizon to fuck up so I need to waste my minutes correcting their mistakes.
Fuck you Verizon
The reason people join is because it ends up being so cheap, since everyone in upstate has Verizon, you'll never pay an overage. While that's all good, great, and grand, something doesn't seem quite right with it. I guess you can look at it as a win-win, consumers save money, Verizon makes more. The problem is their policy is turning them into a monopoly in certain regions, and the last I checked, unless you're Microsoft, you can't really do that.
The other big issue I have with those fuckers is that they were trying to screw me. I get my first month's bill in the mail, and there are two copies. I am thinking to myself, "maybe one for my records, one I have to mail back in." That would be somewhat intelligent, other than the waste of paper. What actually happened was that I received a bill - FOR A NUMBER THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE! What the fuck???? So now I am gonna have to waste 30 minutes of my time arguing with them that I only have ONE PHONE, ONE NUMBER, and ONE BILL!
The fake number bill was for something like $117, and the real bill, for the phone I actually possessed and used, was for $59. I talk to about three idiots at Verizon, all really fucking confused and making up bullshit reasons why this situation happened. One of them actually told me that I would have to pay the $117!!! How fucking stupid do you think I am?? Finally someone told me that they would credit my account, this and that, and I wouldn't receive another faulty bill.
Fast forward one month exactly...
I go out to get the mail - what do you know? Two motherfucking bills! So I open them, thinking maybe the fake one will be zeroed out or something. I was so fucking wrong - now the fake bill is for $210!!! They decided that since it was unpaid, I had to pay late fees, government surcharges, and who the fuck knows what else. So once again, I am forced to call them up. I get the same story, the same waste of time, and the same sense that - they are gonna fuck up again.
Go yet another month forward...
I get the two bills in the mail. This time they told me that the fake one would be zeroed out and shit would be good. I open it, knowing that they probably fucked up, and you know what? THEY FUCKED UP AGAIN!!! This time the bill was closing in on $300! I am getting used to this ritual now, call Verizon and debate/argue each month on or around the 10th. So this time I get to talk to some higher up person who claims that they will personally address my issue.
One last month forward...
So this month I get my bill: -$171.89!! Somehow Verizon now owes me $170!! Woohoo!! I soon realize that they will never pay me this amount; instead, I will continue to receive a fake monthly bill, and they will always make sure it is negative or zeroed. Great fucking job, Verizon!! Why not just delete the fucking account - it doesn't exist. Fucking morons.
So with all said and done, I spent close to two hours on the phone with them, not only wasting my time, but wasting the minutes I purchase from them. I think it is some kind of conspiracy, for Verizon to fuck up so I need to waste my minutes correcting their mistakes.
Fuck you Verizon
Monday, February 5, 2007
Syracuse Fucks Up, Again
Well, my Super Bowl post was somewhat delayed (hangover) so I'll get this one out closer to the final horn/gun/buzzer/siren/kneel down/some other annoying sound or play insert here.
Syracuse went to Storrs to play UCONN, and what do you know, they choked, AGAIN. Jimmy B better pull his head out of ass and begin coaching, because N-I-T is on the eye chart. I honestly think watching Syracuse try and close a game is the same thing as watching a chicken with their head cut off - totally unpredictable and boarderline hilarious - then I realize that this is my favorite team.
The culprits leading the way to the N-I-T...
1) Jimmy B - what the fuck is he doing? Nothing, it's almost like watching Art Shell, well, at least Jimbo shows some emotion. Eric Devendorf cannot have the ball in his hands down the stretch, it ain't happening. Here's the way I look at it - let Paul Harris run the point, or your fucking POINT GUARD who played next to nothing in the 2nd half. Then you have Devendorf, Nichols, and Rautins all working to get open - three good shooters - but not good creators in the clutch. Genius - this team would be a lot better if I was coaching.
2) Eric Devendorf - he is the chicken with no head - running around like an idiot, forcing shit left, right, up, down, wherever. Great offensive player - he is offensive at the end of games.
3) The two big guys - Watkins and Roberts must have learned from Hakim Warrick cause they are sure great at hacking, getting caught in the air, swatting at everything.
Alright, I'll stop, those are the big three (four) reasons this team is in trouble, but there still is time to turn it around. Cut down on the turnovers, stop hacking, and play smart - three things this team hasn't figured out.
Basically, pull your heads out of each other's asses!
Syracuse went to Storrs to play UCONN, and what do you know, they choked, AGAIN. Jimmy B better pull his head out of ass and begin coaching, because N-I-T is on the eye chart. I honestly think watching Syracuse try and close a game is the same thing as watching a chicken with their head cut off - totally unpredictable and boarderline hilarious - then I realize that this is my favorite team.
The culprits leading the way to the N-I-T...
1) Jimmy B - what the fuck is he doing? Nothing, it's almost like watching Art Shell, well, at least Jimbo shows some emotion. Eric Devendorf cannot have the ball in his hands down the stretch, it ain't happening. Here's the way I look at it - let Paul Harris run the point, or your fucking POINT GUARD who played next to nothing in the 2nd half. Then you have Devendorf, Nichols, and Rautins all working to get open - three good shooters - but not good creators in the clutch. Genius - this team would be a lot better if I was coaching.
2) Eric Devendorf - he is the chicken with no head - running around like an idiot, forcing shit left, right, up, down, wherever. Great offensive player - he is offensive at the end of games.
3) The two big guys - Watkins and Roberts must have learned from Hakim Warrick cause they are sure great at hacking, getting caught in the air, swatting at everything.
Alright, I'll stop, those are the big three (four) reasons this team is in trouble, but there still is time to turn it around. Cut down on the turnovers, stop hacking, and play smart - three things this team hasn't figured out.
Basically, pull your heads out of each other's asses!
Super Bowl XLI
First off, congrats to the Colts and especially Peyton Manning on the win. Manning finally proved that he is worth something in a big game two weeks ago, and this game, he did what he had to. HE DIDN'T FUCK UP. You know who did?? Rex Grossman, that's who. As he does at least 33% of the time, poor Rex fucked up. 20/28 passing isn't bad at all, but those two picks that floated in the air forever sure were. As for running the offense, Rex did better throwing picks then moving the ball downfield.
As for the weather, balmy Miami turned into a shitstorm of driving rain. I think that's why Rex played so poorly, because of the weather. No, not at all, he is a young QB - and currently a bad one at that. Do I think he'll get better? Sure, why the hell not? Oops, I forgot, he is a former Gator, he's fucked. Shane Matthews, Danny Wuerffel, and the bachelor, to name a few. No chance in hell for Rex.
Side note - what the fuck kind of name is Rex anyhows?
Enough on poor Rex, the Colts won, the Bears lost, I was wasted and had a great time. I don't care about the fucking commercials or some gay halftime show so I am not saying shit about those things. The only thing that mattered was the game, and the Colts proved that Rex Grossman isn't worth shit. Good job, Indy!
As for the weather, balmy Miami turned into a shitstorm of driving rain. I think that's why Rex played so poorly, because of the weather. No, not at all, he is a young QB - and currently a bad one at that. Do I think he'll get better? Sure, why the hell not? Oops, I forgot, he is a former Gator, he's fucked. Shane Matthews, Danny Wuerffel, and the bachelor, to name a few. No chance in hell for Rex.
Side note - what the fuck kind of name is Rex anyhows?
Enough on poor Rex, the Colts won, the Bears lost, I was wasted and had a great time. I don't care about the fucking commercials or some gay halftime show so I am not saying shit about those things. The only thing that mattered was the game, and the Colts proved that Rex Grossman isn't worth shit. Good job, Indy!
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